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[personal profile] belle_lu_1986
My daily rant about this school........
This is supposed to be a fuckin STUDY room, I've got people shouting all around me and people pretty much sitting on top of my computer, I should at least be able to sit at my computer without people sitting squashing me, pretty much sitting on the mouse of the computer (they were sitting on the desk, its one long like workbench thing). You can never get any work done in here, and especially not at break time.

Rant over as they've all gone!!

Last night I went to see Shane Macgowan at Rock City, by the time we were even let in I was prtty much drunk, they kept putting the start time off and so we kept going to the pub. As a result, I'd had about 4 bottles and one shot (I never thought that my gag reflex worked until I drank that shot!) before we had even gone in, then I had one drink when I was in there. We got to the front of the crowd and I was hanging onto the rail. I wouldn't move from the rail as in the past at gigs I've been pretty much crushed. I felt safe there, but Ash kept telling me I was being boring, not moving. he just doesn't understand, he's so much bigger than me and there's not a lot of chance of him getting crushed. I stayed by the rail and Ash was being really arsey, I felt awful, I sort of wanted to move back into the crowd to be with him but I was scared to, I realy didn't want to be crushed between all of these big men, its horrible, I felt safe where I was. But I wanted to be with Ash, I wanted him with me but by that time he wasn't even talking to me except to say fuck off every so often. I felt so bad so I spent half the gig not even listening to the music, just staring at the floor over the rail.

Also before we got to the gig, in one of the pubs we were talking about what we would consider as cheating on each other (we'd had a bit to drink at this point) and basically to cut a long story short he admitted to having kissed two other girls whilst going out with me. I don't know how to feel about either of them, I'm hurt by the fact that he's done it and I'm also shocked but I don't know whether I'm angry about it, infact I'm not angry but, well yeah, I'm hurt. The first one he kissed, he was sober and it was three days after he first asked me out. This hurt because, ok, so he'd just asked me, I'd said yes and then I'd gone on holiday to Spain for two weeks, but still, he'd just asked me out. Surely if he'd been wanting to kiss other girls he shouldn't have asked me out just then. The second one was in about November time (so been going out about 4 monthes) and he was in Brighton for the weekend. he got really drunk and kissed someone. With this one, then ok he was drunk, he *says* it was completely her and it was a goodnight kiss which turned into more but still, why was he giving a girl a goodnight kiss.

I'm just going to be preoccupied about this now, its getting to me. I'm gonna email him in a minute anyway.



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