Mar. 4th, 2004

belle_lu_1986: (Default)
For some unexplainable reason I feel like shit. I want to escape this life. I need my own place. I want to be with Ash. Does he want to be with me tho?? Who knows? I've been at work and had a really shitty shift. I feel so alone, all I wanted was a big long hug from my baby but he's all depressed and his depression doesn't involve hugging people. I want to sleep, I want to cry and I want to be held, lying in Ash's bed with him with his arms wrapped around me. Maybe I'll feel good then.

I'm in such a mess with my friends, if I spend time with Lisa and Leena then I come away feeling depressed. If I don't spend time with them they say that I'm pushing them away and they feel bad that I'm doing that. Tomorrow night I've arranged to go out with Lisa and someone else. Ash reckons he doesn't want to come (but he will do anyway, I hope) and I really don't want to go, I just don't feel up to being socialable, I have been thinking this all week but I've already said to Lisa I'll go. If I don't go then I know that Lisa won't be able to go out as it'll end up with no one going but if I do go then I dunno really but I can't see myself enjoying it. I'll prob just go and get well pissed, or thats the idea.

I feel so so shit and so full of shit too, food is not my friend at the moment, I hate it but I can't keep away from it. Its like some kind of stalker. ewwwww. I want to be sik but I just can't do it. I also want lots of alcohol but we don't have any. Why does nothing happen in the way that it should do.



belle_lu_1986: (Default)

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